Thanks so much to Netgalley and the publisher for providing an advance review copy of this to me in exchange for an honest review.
This year I have read more horror than I usually do. I wouldn't consider myself a horror connoisseur by any means, but I have enjoyed it in the past despite often being disappointed. The issue is that much of the horror I've read as of late is.. not horrific. Maybe it is interesting. Maybe it is (yet another) metaphor about grief. But it just isn't scary. Well I'm happy to announce that You Weren't Meant to be Human is HORROR. Boy was I taken by surprise with how grisly this was. There were parts that didn't land for me, but the mix between body horror and the visceral, mental anguish in this book, I was very impressed.
The Hive comes to those who need it. An escape, a helping hand, support--when someone has nowhere else to turn, in their darkest hour of desperation, a swarm of worms and flies may appear promising relief. They will help you, give you a place to stay, give you a family. All they ask is unquestioning devotion from then on out. Because once you join, there's no leaving. Crane knew this when he joined. He's known this for the many years he's been a part of The Hive. He has helped recruit new people, joining their small group of degenerates working a run-down gas station in rural West Virginia, which houses their Hive colony. He's numb to it all, because this is what he wanted, right? He's just another trans man with deeply, deeply destructive beliefs about himself. He has a man that treats him like shit (exactly how he wants to be treated), and a cobbled together found family trying to move forward in a country getting closer and closer to the drain it has been spiraling. All it takes is servitude to The Hive, but it's not so bad. He's gotten used to cleaning up brain matter and blood off of the floor. He's gotten used to hunting down former friends who have decided they want out. But then his worst nightmare comes true, something beyond horrific that he never thought would, or could happen to him, his devotion starts to falter. He falls pregnant, and The Hive demands he have this baby. He has no choice but to submit as his enforcer boyfriend locks him away to prevent him from killing himself and the baby as his body changes in horrific, dysphoric ways. He grapples with the question of what exactly is growing inside of him as his due date comes closer and closer, and what exactly The Hive is going to do once this.. thing is born.
God damn was this a ride. Yes there is a lot of body horror, yes it can get pretty grisly and gory, but honestly most of the more horrific content of this book is the realistic aspects. Firstly, pregnancy is described in unashamed realism here. Being a gay cis man myself, it is something I have not had to face much, but the way the author describes the body horror of everyday pregnancy was disturbing and skillful. Paired with the anguish Crane is going through as a trans man being forced to carry a pregnancy to term, the "miracle of life" is much more of a curse is this book. But I think really the scariest part of this is the brutal, horrific way that Crane views himself. He's someone who is deeply broken, and while he may be secure in his gender identity, that is just about the only thing he's secure in. The trans experience here is unfiltered and raw, it does not glamorize it, but it does not apologize for it either. It was conveyed so well, I was uncomfortable but I could not look away.
The characters here were also very well developed. Levi, the "boyfriend" is also a broken man, but not one on the mend. He's abusive, unapologetic, and blindingly devoted to himself, but he is also not a caricature of evil either. He cares about Crane in a disgusting, warped way that I don't even think he understands. Tammy, the "den mother" of this family is caring but blunt. She's quick to criticize, but also cares the most about everyone she's tasked with protecting. Jess, the newest addition to this group, grows into her own despite being saved from the most abusive circumstances. She faces her traumas but also falls to them. And her relationship with Crane is destructive, and realistic for two people who seem to be beyond broken.
Despite all of that though, this wasn't the perfect book. The pacing was quite slow. I don't blame it based on the nature of the story, but we get a LOT of time stewing in the mental turmoil of Crane's mind when sometimes I wanted a bit more of the body horror that would have me wincing as I read. But some of these more visceral scenes felt as if they were included just for the shock factor. There were some scenes with Stagger (a character you'll have to read the book to learn about) that were definitely "horrific" but had me scratching my head as to why they were included at all. As opposed to most of the "intimate" scenes with Levi which were extremely graphic and horrific and I think did an excellent job at showing us who both Levi and Crane are as people. There were some deus ex things that happen towards the end of the book that I'm just like.. oh okay that might as well happen I guess. But I can't really fault it for that. The climax of this book was truly like a slow motion 20 car pileup. Terrible and fascinating.
If you like gore, if you like body horror, or if you want to relate more to the transmasc experience, you should absolutely read this.
